Rant #147: "Parent-azzi"

I've created a new word. "Parentazzi". It's a cross between a "parent" and the "paparazzi". Oh yeah. You teachers know where this blog is headed...

So I'm getting a mani and pedi the other day at the nail place next to my neighborhood. I frequent this little place. I don't dress up, I rarely have make-up on, and I'm usually one step above pajama pants and a cami. 

I'm sitting in the peace and quiet of 9:15 in the morn and a woman comes in. She seems to frequent the place as well...chatting with everyone, picking out her colors...just a loud type of lady. Well she sits down three chairs from me and proceeds to get her nails done.  My nail tech starts chatting me up, and asks where I work. In my normal tone of response when it comes to my work, I reply with a somewhat whisper..."------- middle school". 

"YOU'RE A TEACHER AT ------ MIDDLE SCHOOL?!?! Oh my gosh my daughter will be in 6th grade there next year!!?!" I smile and give the appropriate "oh how awesome!" response, as she yells at her daughter across the room in another chair that I may be one of her teachers next year. Awesome. Let's get the three other women in the salon involved as well. Everyone stare at the slummin' looking  "teacher" getting her mani/pedi on! Then the lady proceeds with the following questions:

What is your name?

How do you spell it? I want to write it down! (She types my full name in her ipad)

How long have you been there?

What curriculum do they use?

What is the schedule like?

Where do you live?

Do you live near the elementary school in ----- or on the outskirts of the neighborhood? (really!?)

Who else is teaching 6th grade? 

What are their names? 

Where are they from?

WTH?! When did Nancy Grace begin cross examination at my nail salon!?

After bombarding me with questions, she then feels comfortable enough with me to get down to the nitty gritty: Parentazzi complaints.

"I'm really excited about my daughter starting ------ Middle School next year, but you know what I don't like about the district?" No...but I bet you'll tell me! (I'm thinking this, as I smile)

She then proceeds to lecture me on evvvverrryyything she doesn't like with my district. Band, choir, electives, curriculum, bell schedule, and no athletics in 6th grade. I did feel useful as I schooled her on UIL rules (ahem section 1400(b)(3): No Interscholastic Athletic Competition Below Seventh Grade. No interscholastic athletic competition is allowed in any conference for teams in the sixth grade and below. EXCEPTIONS: Certain athletic exceptions allow sixth grade students to participate. See (2) above and Sec- tion 1478.) Thanks grad school! ;)

I listened to this woman for the next half hour. She complained about everything she doesn't like about the school district. I just give understanding head shakes as we teachers know to do, and we try to be great listeners. Meanwhile I'm trying to relax with my pedi, my hot pink flower bra straps are in full effect, makeup is nonexistent and bobby pins are holding my hair back. Dead sexy.

Then her daughter starts telling me about her 5th grade teacher and everything she didn't like about this person. I don't know this teacher, and I don't want to know anything. Apparently this teacher was mean and blamed her for everything. She wants a nice teacher. She asks if I'm nice and if I'm going to be fair. Will I be nice? I won't blame her for everything, will I? I doubt this teacher was mean. I'm sure some of the issues were brought upon herself. I say that because within this one hour I heard the mother say "shut up", "ass" and "what the hell" at least ten times in front of, or to, her daughter. Newsflash: your tween looks up to you as a role model lady. Good job there. #keepitclassy

Please stop. It's my ONE hour this week I've had to myself. I've been with my toddler son ALL week, hubs has been in Canada, and I want ONE hour of quiet, enjoyable pampering before heading back to my toy explosion living room and keeping my cutie yet active son from setting the house on fire. This mom/daughter duo need-ed-to-GO. (notice the intense syllabication there, expressing my complete frustration/head nodding)

I finally managed to use my semi-wet left pointer finger to obsessively text my friends on my cell for the next 20 minutes to make it appear as if I was super busy and couldn't really chat. I had a nice, relaxing ten or so minutes toward the end, and got up to pay. The mom then asked me how to spell my name again to be sure she had it right, because she's emailing the principal today to request me because I seem very sweet. Oh and she asked me for my principal's email too, and proceeded to ask me twenty  questions about my boss' life. Damn people.

Can't a gurl get pampered in peace?! I'm not even working yet. Teaching in my own neighborhood may be a little more difficult than I thought. 

Hey Zoe send me a big hat and some face covering shades...the parentazzi is coming.

Rant #128

Before I begin, I need to include this disclaimer:

I LOVE being a mommy. I LOVE my sweetie pie son. I LOVE that I've been able to stay home with him for 12 months now. What a blessing. I know I'll cry my eyes out the first few days I'm back at work in August because I'll miss my little monkey. He makes me happier than anything else in my life. With that said...

I am effing exhausted. Yep. I said it. I'm sure any working mom reading this would want to backhand me, after working a long week and raising children at home. I've done that too...I worked about four months after having Kyle before resigning. Regardless, I'm EXHAUSTED. Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had. 

-waitress

-sprint rep

-bartender

-retail

-admin

-graphic designer

-marketing

-teacher

-SAHM (ding ding ding ding!!!!!)

Kyle still doesn't sleep well. He's definitely improved since his ear/adenoids surgery in February, but crap...he's always teething or sick. I think the record for consecutive sleeps from 9:30-5:30 is four nights. FOUR in 18 months. Sweet baby Jesus. 

"Why don't you just let him cry it out Sarah"? Well, hmmm. First of all, it stresses me out and I have this weird mommy reflex to where I pour sweat when he's screaming like that. We have a video/audio monitor so I literally lay there, wide awake at 12, 1, 3, whatever, and watch him. My hubs tells me to shut our door and just turn off the sound. How can I do that and fall asleep!? Okay...so a few weeks ago he was crying, wheezing the coughing so bad, so fast, that we ended up calling 911 at 5am. He could barely breathe and with "asthma/reactive lungs" he was in bad shape. What if I had turned off the sound that night and we never heard him!? Then recently, he's enabled to get his foot stuck between the bed rails and screams bloody murder. That's all I need it a toddler with broken ankles. I'm an obsessive mom...what can I say. Here's an average sleep schedule:

5:30am  wakeup

11:00am  nap for 1.5 hrs, maybe (oooh snap!!! maybe I can wash my hair this week today!) then, Kyle hears the shower door shut through two walls. Yeah. This wakes him up. Or a neighbor talking outside. Or a dog bark or me getting a dish out of the cupboard. Seriously?!! Eff me.

9:00 pm goes to sleep (much improved from the 10/11pm until March)

12, 2 and/or 4 or 5, wakes up crying, wet, lonely, molars hurting, full of snot, coughing, etc.

5:30 he's awake! weeeee!

this is Kyle and I at 5am...yeah, I'm as excited as I look

Now, it IS improving, last night he only cried out for about 20 min around 2am, but geez...when you're used to getting up every two hours for almost two years, you barely sleep. Then when you're up, it takes you 20-30 min to fall back asleep. It was meant to be, my staying home this past year. I would not have made it a month with my lack of sleep combined with 20 little kids everyday. #nervousbreakdown

Another challenge with my son is that...wait for it...

HE NEVER STOPS :)

This is Kyle at 3:30, no nap, up from 2-4 the night before, and still going strong. That's me, with 8 pound bags under my black circle eyes and hair that hasn't been washed in days. #deadsexy

No, I'm not exaggerating. I'm the mom at the park, play areas, play dates, restaurants, etc. that all of the other moms feel sorry for and I get the "oh wow...he's a handful, isn't he?" grin...or, the "wow you  must be exhausted with him!" comment. Yes, I'm sure these women are trying to sound empathetic, but I'm so tired of these comments...EVERY FREAKING DAY. He's not really hyper, he's just, active...nonstop. He likes to be entertained every single second, he's curious, he wants to know everything that's going on, he's giving attention to 20 things at once...he's def my son. He is an awesome little reader though...he's sit through multiple books and "read" them to himself. :)

Another reason motherhood has exhausted me is because we have no family to help us. I see friends  dropping their kids off at grandmas to run up to the store or gym, or hey, last min date night. Not us...our parents are 2-3 hours away. They help when they can, but it's not the same as having several relatives willing to watch your little one...for free...at the drop of a hat. A movie and cheap dinner costs us $100, minimum. #babysitterfeesarebrutal

Anyhow, I'm sitting here at 11:00 at night, hubs is in Canada, my house is a wreck, the chardonnay is warm, I need to shower, I have a ton of grad work to do, and I'm wasting time blogging. Why? Because ranting feels good. Women, or maybe it's just me, feel better after ranting. We don't even care if other people care, or listen even. If I won the lottery, I would totally hire a shrink (or any random person, actually) to rant to on a moment's notice. How awesome would that be? Girlfriends don't see you as negative, no more complaining to the hubby, it's a totally great idea. Until then I'll rely on a few close girlfriends and this here blog. :)

So, to sum up...mommyhood has really exhausted me. I had no idea how much your life changes or how much work it was. IAnd I thought toddler years were easier? Baaahahahaa I'm hilarious. My staying at home is such a blessing, but wow, it's been very challenging...mentally and physically. I just hope I'm doing the best job I can. :)

loving my cuddles

I think I'm ready for a little mommy/daddy vaca this summer. Heels would be nice, and a full night's rest would be too. It's the little things.

Wow that made me feel much better! YAY!

Maybe we should start on number two...