Rant #128

Before I begin, I need to include this disclaimer:

I LOVE being a mommy. I LOVE my sweetie pie son. I LOVE that I've been able to stay home with him for 12 months now. What a blessing. I know I'll cry my eyes out the first few days I'm back at work in August because I'll miss my little monkey. He makes me happier than anything else in my life. With that said...

I am effing exhausted. Yep. I said it. I'm sure any working mom reading this would want to backhand me, after working a long week and raising children at home. I've done that too...I worked about four months after having Kyle before resigning. Regardless, I'm EXHAUSTED. Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had. 

-waitress

-sprint rep

-bartender

-retail

-admin

-graphic designer

-marketing

-teacher

-SAHM (ding ding ding ding!!!!!)

Kyle still doesn't sleep well. He's definitely improved since his ear/adenoids surgery in February, but crap...he's always teething or sick. I think the record for consecutive sleeps from 9:30-5:30 is four nights. FOUR in 18 months. Sweet baby Jesus. 

"Why don't you just let him cry it out Sarah"? Well, hmmm. First of all, it stresses me out and I have this weird mommy reflex to where I pour sweat when he's screaming like that. We have a video/audio monitor so I literally lay there, wide awake at 12, 1, 3, whatever, and watch him. My hubs tells me to shut our door and just turn off the sound. How can I do that and fall asleep!? Okay...so a few weeks ago he was crying, wheezing the coughing so bad, so fast, that we ended up calling 911 at 5am. He could barely breathe and with "asthma/reactive lungs" he was in bad shape. What if I had turned off the sound that night and we never heard him!? Then recently, he's enabled to get his foot stuck between the bed rails and screams bloody murder. That's all I need it a toddler with broken ankles. I'm an obsessive mom...what can I say. Here's an average sleep schedule:

5:30am  wakeup

11:00am  nap for 1.5 hrs, maybe (oooh snap!!! maybe I can wash my hair this week today!) then, Kyle hears the shower door shut through two walls. Yeah. This wakes him up. Or a neighbor talking outside. Or a dog bark or me getting a dish out of the cupboard. Seriously?!! Eff me.

9:00 pm goes to sleep (much improved from the 10/11pm until March)

12, 2 and/or 4 or 5, wakes up crying, wet, lonely, molars hurting, full of snot, coughing, etc.

5:30 he's awake! weeeee!

this is Kyle and I at 5am...yeah, I'm as excited as I look

Now, it IS improving, last night he only cried out for about 20 min around 2am, but geez...when you're used to getting up every two hours for almost two years, you barely sleep. Then when you're up, it takes you 20-30 min to fall back asleep. It was meant to be, my staying home this past year. I would not have made it a month with my lack of sleep combined with 20 little kids everyday. #nervousbreakdown

Another challenge with my son is that...wait for it...

HE NEVER STOPS :)

This is Kyle at 3:30, no nap, up from 2-4 the night before, and still going strong. That's me, with 8 pound bags under my black circle eyes and hair that hasn't been washed in days. #deadsexy

No, I'm not exaggerating. I'm the mom at the park, play areas, play dates, restaurants, etc. that all of the other moms feel sorry for and I get the "oh wow...he's a handful, isn't he?" grin...or, the "wow you  must be exhausted with him!" comment. Yes, I'm sure these women are trying to sound empathetic, but I'm so tired of these comments...EVERY FREAKING DAY. He's not really hyper, he's just, active...nonstop. He likes to be entertained every single second, he's curious, he wants to know everything that's going on, he's giving attention to 20 things at once...he's def my son. He is an awesome little reader though...he's sit through multiple books and "read" them to himself. :)

Another reason motherhood has exhausted me is because we have no family to help us. I see friends  dropping their kids off at grandmas to run up to the store or gym, or hey, last min date night. Not us...our parents are 2-3 hours away. They help when they can, but it's not the same as having several relatives willing to watch your little one...for free...at the drop of a hat. A movie and cheap dinner costs us $100, minimum. #babysitterfeesarebrutal

Anyhow, I'm sitting here at 11:00 at night, hubs is in Canada, my house is a wreck, the chardonnay is warm, I need to shower, I have a ton of grad work to do, and I'm wasting time blogging. Why? Because ranting feels good. Women, or maybe it's just me, feel better after ranting. We don't even care if other people care, or listen even. If I won the lottery, I would totally hire a shrink (or any random person, actually) to rant to on a moment's notice. How awesome would that be? Girlfriends don't see you as negative, no more complaining to the hubby, it's a totally great idea. Until then I'll rely on a few close girlfriends and this here blog. :)

So, to sum up...mommyhood has really exhausted me. I had no idea how much your life changes or how much work it was. IAnd I thought toddler years were easier? Baaahahahaa I'm hilarious. My staying at home is such a blessing, but wow, it's been very challenging...mentally and physically. I just hope I'm doing the best job I can. :)

loving my cuddles

I think I'm ready for a little mommy/daddy vaca this summer. Heels would be nice, and a full night's rest would be too. It's the little things.

Wow that made me feel much better! YAY!

Maybe we should start on number two...